2/10/23
Day 100

DAY 100 and I cannot believe that I am here. It feels surreal. It feels like a dream. And thinking back to the first few days on this journey back in June, I couldn't imagine day 10 let alone day 100. Those first few days felt so hard and so scary. I didn’t feel strong at all and every hike was hard to get through both physically and mentally. Now, the anticipation of the hike precedes a subconscious ability to take one step after another, adjusting my speed as needed. I no longer have to think about it, it just kind of happens on its own. Looking back to the beginning of winter, not very long ago, I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn’t be strong enough. I was scared that I wouldn’t be determined enough. Most of all, I was scared that we would have a horrible winter with tons of snowstorms and I would have to move most of my hikes to summer. Fear can’t change the weather.  There are times when we should be afraid, when we need to listen to that little voice inside ourselves that tells us to turn around, or not go hiking to begin with. In those moments I lean into my fear, wrap my arms around it and allow it to guide me to safety. But the rest of the time, I ignore it. I tell it to go away. I’ve spent my entire life living with fear because of my panic disorder. Fear and I have been dancing together for thirty years straight. The more time I spend analyzing it, analyzing what causes me to be afraid, when fear is necessary and when it is a liar, the better I become at navigating life. Day 100, I let myself be something that I rarely allow, to not be afraid. To feel at peace. To believe the voice inside of me that said it’s not cancer. Fear, on day 100, was a liar, and my biopsy results proved it wrong. I didn’t celebrate my 100th day hiking nor did I celebrate my clear biopsy results. I filed the experience away, and reflected on how I could handle it better in the future. Because I still have a future. I am still hiking. I am still cancer free. 

Daily Miles: 3.02

Daily Vert: 1132’

Overall Miles: 1043.97

Overall Vert: 302,971’

Trace: 45% -> 45.2% 

Trails:

Old Jackson Rd

Crew Cut

Liebeskinds Loop

Lila’s Ledge

George’s Gorge Tr