2/9/23
Day 99

“I’m not going to deal with tomorrow today. Today I have a mountain to hike.” 

That’s what I told myself as I was driving north to do Carter Dome this morning. It wasn’t easy. Mentally, I am still in shock. I went through the motions of hiking - threw on my spikes once I hit Carter Dome Trail, snowshoes for all of Carter-Moriah and part of 19MB, and by the final few miles I was tired. Tired from holding it together mentally, tired from wearing snowshoes for hours when I’m not used to that, and tired because I didn’t sleep much last night.

I should have the results of yesterday’s biopsy by Monday at the latest but I’m not looking forward to finding out whether it’s good or bad. I just don’t want to know anymore. 100% of the biopsies I’ve had were positive for cancer in the past. Every time my surgeon said, “there’s less than a 10% chance of…or…it’s highly unlikely that…” she has been wrong. I don’t want fake positivity. I don’t trust the stats, the stats seem to never be in my favor. If I’m honest, I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to talk on the phone with my surgeon, just send me the results (good or bad) through my Echart and let me take the next step on my own if necessary. I hate cancer and I hate that this is happening and I hate that there is no cure.

Daily Miles: 10.23

Daily Vert: 3490’

Overall Miles: 1040.95

Overall Vert: 301,839’

Trace: 44.7% -> 45%

Trails:

Carter Dome Trail

Carter-Moriah Trail

19MB